journey on dark waters

I have delayed this post for 2 reasons: 1) I have recently bought the gadget (iPad); and 2) I waited for the release of the reviews about said gadgets. A lot of people have talked about the iPad and reviews came out about it being the hip and in gadget that's a must-have for gadget enthusiasts out there. Even Apple has promised that after the 1st gen of the iPad, the iPad 2 will come in the market right away. I am currently a proud owner of one of the last batches from the 1st generation of the iPad. Like all iPad users, I am also satisfied with my gadget. It has helped me with my coursework and my homework. I have loaded it with my favorite mp3s to which the iPad has never failed to give me (or the other users) crystal clear quality of sound. Even the movies and clips I download via YouTube: fantastic! Though the file is of mp4 format, it's like watching it in HD. Apps are very useful and it has never failed to entertain me (even my family is using it). In short, iPad has sur...

There is no doubt that at the start of this year, my life (though marked as the year known as the QLS or more commonly known as the Quarter-Life Crisis stage) began with a lot of blessings. I am beginning to understand why everyone has been calling it the Quarter-Life Crisis stage. This is the time where you begin to see the picture a bit clearer than before. Somehow, things that I thought was right, suddenly seemed wrong. Things that I used to believe in, where false. To begin with, I left my job of seven years to be a full-time student. Someone once told me that instead of going forward I moved backward. That I should've stayed with my work and continued on with my studies. For one, I missed the last three years of my college life. The time where I should be enjoying the challenges in class, the academic life that most of the student spent their college years bumming around while waiting for the next class to start, I spent running to and fro work. I had to run to get to my next ...

I thought it was over. That the memories from my past won't give me nightmares anymore. It made me calm for the past four years. Four quiet years that helped me heal. I've dealt with almost killing myself, to overdosing myself with alcohol. To trying to kill my lungs with nicotine till I could barely breathe. But who was I kidding? I was only giving myself a slow and painful death. But what was I to do? I tried all sorts of remedies. But to no avail. I am tired. Tired of how things are going. Then suddenly, after four quiet years, I receive an email about this person who used to haunt my dreams till I could force myself to close my eyes at night. And now, this dream haunts me yet again. And now, I could barely keep myself awake. For I am afraid it might haunt me in my sleep. Why can't it be over? Right now its being replaced by someone new. Yet, again, the same waltz is playing. Dragging on and on. When will it end? I am plagued by the nightmares that barely reaches my inne...

We make them. Great, small, huge, tiny, damaging, and whatever else you might call it. Sometimes, we do it intentionally, and most of the times unintentional. This year, I have made quite a few mistakes in my life that cannot be rectified nor erased. But I do not regret making them or having them in my life. I had the biggest epic fail in my entire educational life. And it was all because of a few errors. I tried to go against the flow and tried to prove once and for all, falling in love doesn't have to be dictated or it's free like the river. You may like whoever you want to like, go out with that person and try to defy gravity. But it has a price. An inevitable expensive price you pay later on. Like a credit card, it will accumulate and will send you a letter indicating that you have to pay as soon as possible. Painful isn't it? I wanted to prove everyone else, by talking, hanging out, or even seeing this person, that love was right, meant to be. But no. Because it was ag...

There are a lot of ways to show courage. Some may show it when they are already in the face of danger. Some muster their courage when they are about to tell someone that they love them after all these years. But being courageous also meant, you are willing to admit you're sorry. I have never seen my father so disappointed with me. I admit, it was my fault, when I actually said something I wasn't suppose to say in the first place. My actions were miscalculated and my words out of bounds. On the ride back to work, it took me 15 minutes. 15 MINUTES!!! To muster the courage to say sorry. Sorry that I went out of line. But my dad, like all fathers, hugged me back and said it was okay, that what I did, happened for a reason. I could only respond with tears in my eyes. As I write this, tears are still falling. I am courageous enough to cry even though when I am already beyond my age, but I am still sorry for not being courageous enough to tell my father how deeply sorry I was. 15 minu...

The other day, hours before the concert of the Philippine Philharmonic Orchestra began, I wandered off through the floors of the Cultural Center of the Philippines. I was in awe as I walked along the paintings lining the walls of the building. Studying each stroke, each hue, I found myself lost amongst the colors that struck a chord in my heart. I ask myself, what was the artist feeling when he painted this piece? After looking at the paintings I went one floor up where the museum was. It was a place where one could find his or her roots. Looking at the pieces from behind glass cases, I was amazed at how our country has so many riches to impart to us. But sadly, our generation has forgotten. Gone are the days when one would use the gamelan and the gongs to produce music, or the gitara or the rondalla. Now its rock music here, sentimental music there, pop music everywhere. Our traditional music, almost gone with the changing times. A few more steps and I was in a place where folk dances...

We all have our different tastes... A different take on clothes, gadgets, books and even food. That includes desserts. Like most of the Filipinos, I grew up to be a Goldilocks kid. My birthday cakes would come from Goldilocks and even that irresistible polvoron and caramel popcorn. When there are times I would feel down and out, I will grab my bag and wallet and catch a jeep going to SM North where the Goldilocks store would greet me at the entrance. Katulad din ng nakararami, I too, underwent a change... a pagbabago. When I was in college, I was the shy-type, not really minding my looks and how I walk. And it was in this period where I met a man whom I thought would be my mate for an entire lifetime. He was cool, good-looking and confident. He complimented my simplicity as something to his style. Little did I know, he had a dark side to his "somewhat-saintly ways". He began abusing me, both physically and emotionally. When we both separated ways after the incident, I underw...