journey on dark waters

There are things that we wish for, but cannot have. We also ask ourselves if we need a savior or we don't need to be saved. Sometimes I just want to run away, and never come back. I just want to grab the keys of our car and drive away, somewhere far. Never looking back. I see the eyes I long to see, but they only made me cry. I ask myself: "Do I hold on? Or do I let go? Should I follow a path that was never mine? Or should I go on treading a road which holds a lot of things unknown to me?" In their eyes I have erred. In their eyes, I have betrayed them. But they will never know what's inside my heart. My grave awaits me, for they have dug it for me. Even if I see their heads hanging in a noose, they still think I am the traitor. I've forgiven them, even if they haven't forgiven me. I just pray that they find it in their hearts to forgive me, even if I haven't sinned. But who am I to discuss the good and the evil, when I am the suffering middle? I walk on l...

i am beginning to hate my very existence. how i wish i could turn back time and erase you. i love someone else, can't you see? unless you are being blinded by the false feelings that you feel for me. i try to walk and run away, but you try to keep me still. i belong to someone else and my heart beats for another, i pray that i don't know you. you're a stranger whose face is empty. eyes that i don't see. i would like to believe that you're telling a truth, but to you, a truth is a lie. my arms are entwined with someone elses arms. my heart beats as one with another heart. only poisoned asps come out of your lips. don't you belong to someone else? the first tears of autummn fall from my eyes like summer's sweet passing into fall and then to winter. the sweet solace that winter brings me. why must you come? only to make me cry. you promise me that tears will no longer fall from my eyes, but you, just like the rest, tells me a lie,a lie that i have been hearing,...

i hate to be condescending, in a way that i do sound condescending, when i try to hide these feelings that howl like raging winds inside of me. i pretend as if nothing is wrong and just walk on. even as i take small steps, it cuts thru me as if i were stepping on a broken mirror that reflects a broken self. pity, that my heart, once healed, is scarred again. tears have run dry from these eyes. they weep for someone who is not there. she runs her fingers thru mine, as if we would never touch again. i could still smell her sweet perfume as it leaves a mark, an indentity on my skin. her eyes that speak a thousand words. she tells me a lie, but her eyes speak thru those lies. staring at a blank canvas that i wish were stained with rages of red, hues of blue sadness, green of jealousy and envy, mute blacks of pity and hatred. but i hold the brush, and as i begin to paint, transparent lines of pain flows into the canvas of the mind. her heart and mine beats as one, like it will never beat ag...

you try to go on with your life as if it is in a normal pace. you pretend and go on with the flow even if it continues to sear your flesh and let the blood flow endlessly on the pavement of hatred. you leave a world behind that wasn't even there to begin with. fingers point to you as if you are the accused in the court of deafs. no one hears you out and you are sentenced to live your very existence into solitude. tears won't matter for they fall on barren lands. voices won't matter, for they fall on deaf ears. people tell you that you're nothing. you are not part of a world that they created. why? do they belong in yours? sometimes, correction, most of the times, what you do to release the anger pent up inside, can't save you. there's no one there to make you feel alright, when things go wrong. how you wish that the people you hate, wait, loathe, are hanging by their necks amongst the rafters of the highest building. you cry to the wind. eyes that see, are blind...

day by day you are being grilled by people who think that they are better than you, that what you do is just a piece of trash, not even worthy of the trash bin. they think that they are the so-called "it" person, but no. sometimes, you get pushed over to the limit. you try to keep your calm by clenching your teeth and cursing under your breath. as if life would be no better. FAT CHANCE!!! then your so-called life begins to crash, right in front of your very eyes. your mind begins to dwindle and most of the times you daydream that your hands are lodged in-between the head and the chest just above the throat of your hated person for the day. you watch in glee as he suffocates and tries to gasp for air. pity has left your heart. but of course, in real life, that doesn't happen. you pretend that nothing is wrong. you crank up the volume of your music to block out the most annoying piece of existence of that person. you are now immersed into a world where no one could boss you...

i hate LIARS!!! one of the things i totally loathe are liars. they tell you things, but it turns out they're not real. they rip out the very fabric of existence. they let you fall for things that are there but not real. i used to be gullible. stupid. i used to be weak and just follow the course that i wasn't suppose to. but things are changing. i won't fall for the same mistakes again. i won't let a blindfold cover my eyes and just lead me to my very death. i used to believe that things are meant to happen. but they are wrong. i create my destiny. true, its suicide. let death be my key. let the lies be my coffin, for i have been buried six-feet under. i should have died. then i have forgotten that i was dead already. dead in essence, that no one could fathom. dead that my bones are shattered and my soul to forever wander amongst a ghost of a former self. i let myself believe that white was white, and black was black. now is the reencarnation of soul. lost in the world o...

the words came tumbling down like currents in the sea, they say its pretty strange a lovely painting to see. no ink to be wasted on paper, a pencil with no lead its hard to walk on lands that have been dead. she took a turn she writhe with pain waiting to learn... except for the strings on her back waiting patiently to gain... ripples in the water turned into dangerous waves there was no solace, not even a cave. the sun shone its brightest, never to dim, they said she had no place to go, her chances were slim. but then the wind blew angst of sand swept... thorns have left... time has melted and pools ran dry she began to cry. but then where was she? her strings undone... and then she was gone.