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It's been a year...

If I were to sum up what has happened to me in a year's time, I would say it had been an emotional roller coaster ride. Not only was it a test of faith on my part, but also of how I would deal with it psychologically. You can even say I was stupid enough to have made the mistake I made, to which I didn't have a choice at all. I'm known by most of my colleagues and friends not only as a law student but also as a professor in a university teaching Psychology and Constitution with Political Science. Both are subjects that deals with logic, science and has to be given a serious note as well. But that was questioned last year. I was having dreams I for one cannot explain myself. It was around April to May of 2014, the year of Centennial celebration to the congregation where I belong and my dad is a minister. It was a little boy, around two to three years old. He was sitting beside me in a worship service my dad was officiating. At first he was fidgeting and then he saw dad stood on the pulpit, he almost shouted, but just giggled: "Lolo!" He exclaimed with glee almost above a whisper. Then my mom turned to him and said with a firm but gentle tone: "Yes that's Lolo, now you behave now okay?" The little boy shushed and sat properly eagerly listening to my dad, his lolo. Right next to me was a lady, very familiar. And I could feel the warmth when she squeezed my hand. 

Almost a month after, someone added me. I didn't know who it was. All I know was that we had a common friend whom I've met recently. This common friend of ours was a Road Manager for a local boy band who visited the TV station where I work as a web designer and web liaison officer. It started with an ice cream post on her wall and I commented on it and "liked" the post. After that this person added me. A few weeks after that I became friends with this person and we "clicked". It was like "fate" or what we call in Korean as 운명 (unmyeong). I thought at first it was too good to be true, this person was like an answered prayer. We clicked and our personalities were like almost the same, ideals and principles. Until he courted me online. I played along and "answered yes" to this person. But I felt something was off. Like something didn't match and didn't make sense. So I went along with it. He started by telling me he was a Medical Technology student at one of the prestigious universities in the country, and that he belonged to well-off Filipino-Chinese family. That he was doing his internship at a well-known hospital in one of the busiest cities in the country. I asked a friend of mine, if such person exists, so he kindly asked his friend who works at that hospital and told me that no one worked under that name. Which I found strange. Then he told me he was going to study abroad, as he was granted a scholarship to study in a known university in Germany. Again, I asked a friend of mine (who happens to treat me like a niece of hers), who works for the European Commission here in the Philippines. She emailed me saying that the name did not appear in the list of outgoing students for Erasmus Mundus, a scholarship program sponsored by the European Union. And she even told me that if this person is enrolled at that German university, the list would also be known to her, which also shows that he wasn't on the list. Now I was getting more infuriated by this. He was lying to me, I didn't let him know I had firsthand knowledge of these things. Until he kept on telling me that his auntie died and his mom was in despair and that he would meet me when he arrived. He even told me he was going to propose marriage to me after a year! Lies after lies after lies! I asked several friends of mine to check up on his parents' business, and records, and even his records. And there was no existing records at all! I even manage to befriend one of his "co-student" on campus and visited him at the hospital where he was doing his internship. Imagine to my surprise, when he told me they've never met at all and that it was impossible to leave the university in the middle of the semester to take up Masters as it is never allowed! Imagine my anger at everything! But I was able to find out that it was a girl who pretended to be this guy. Her reason? She wanted to find out if she's of the third sex or not (I have nothing against people who are lesbian, gay or bisexual as I have friends who are). But the process in which for her to find her identity had been painful as she had to hurt me to gain this. And she's still stalking me to this day. She feel she's still attached to me, but never really. To be honest, her hurting me still brings me tears to this day. A fear at some point I have to get rid of, including her. For I know she will never stop. She may read this post and I want her to know, that I hope it sinks into her brains and her veins that she has caused a lot of damage. Including a fight with my parents which still hurts me to this day. I never wanted to fight with them, but because of her, because of what she did, it still hurts. I had a fight with my siblings and I never wanted that to happen. I fought with God and questioned Him uncontrollably. For her, everything was a joke. A sick joke and sick game she concocted for her personal happiness and needs. She thinks that by being happy, everything is going to be okay, but it's not. She only wants her own personal happiness. She has left a scar. Every time I become friends with someone new, my family would question, because it might be her again playing a prank. I even almost lost my job and my credibility as a professor. The Dean of my college telling me: "You didn't use your being a law student and faculty! It was irresponsible of you!" She's not stopping until now, and she's still continuing to use the identity she stole from a Korean national, and even still adding people uncontrollably. I have tried my best by approaching the local authorities regarding her, but I believe, the ultimate justice system (which is Heaven and God) will do justice for me. I am hoping for the pain to end. And that justice will eventually be served. I can hope for her being imprisoned or what not, but there will be a better justice for her.

However, that is not really the focus of my post, although that happened to me for the past year. What really got to me was that despite all the lies and pretend from this person, I had several dreams which I can never explain at all, only God alone knows why. It started with that little boy, then during the time this person was lying to me I dreamed of a couple. A husband and wife, very warm who came to my house. It was around August of 2014. It was my first time seeing them in my dream, or in my life at all. The dream started with them talking with my parents, I can remember what they were wearing and where they were sitting, on the couch in our living room. And I can still remember the exact words the husband said: “We’re here for Awi, you’re daughter. We’re here to ask her hands in marriage on behalf of our son” (Andito kami para kay Awi, sa anak nyo. Andito kami para mamanhikan at hingin ang kamay nya para sa aming anak). To which my dad, sweetly replied: “Really? That’s the happiest news, sure, we’ll call her, Awi, come out, they’re here” (Ah talaga, yan ang pinakamasayang balita, tawagin namin siya, Awi, labas ka muna sa kwarto, andito na sila). I remember the smiles on their faces. On the months to follow, I continue dreaming about a little boy and a little girl who calls me mommy. Sometimes, there would be someone holding my hand and calling me “Mahal”, a sweet yet cool voice assuring me of a great future. The warmth of the hands, I can still feel in my hands until today. Then there was this dream I had inside the church where my dad always preach. It was after worship service and we were all gathered at the lobby. The little boy was running to and fro, and I was warning him by his name: “Elix, Jon Felix, stop running inside the Templo, look, your Amah is looking at you…” He continued to giggle and ran towards me and someone scooped him up and with a stern yet soft voice: “Oh no you’re not asking your mom to carry you Elix, you’re heavy,” and he carries him up and hold my hand. I was pregnant. I had dreams twice, where I was pregnant and I could feel the baby kicking in my tummy. And the same voice which calls me “Mahal” is there, holding my tummy and hugs me. Sometime around December, I dreamed of the husband from the couple, he gave me a father-daughter dance. The date was December 14,2014. It was a dream of my wedding. I can remember every single detail. From the moment my dad walked me down the aisle, until I exchanged vows with him. I can remember the hands, they were big, warm yet soft at the same time. I remember the feeling of the ring being inserted on my finger. Wedding reception came, and I saw a lot of faces, warm feeling and the feeling of being loved. Moment came, when the father-daughter dance came up. My father-in-law in my dream told me this: “Thank you for loving our son, and I thank God for bringing you into our lives. Welcome to the family our daughter, and I look forward to having you as a daughter-in-law”. The next day, on my mom’s birthday December 15, 2014, I dreamed that they visited me, the couple, and they congratulated us on our promotions, our blessings in life. My father-in-law even played with our kids and read them a story. The little boy was playful as always, he was playing with this pet dog we had and we were telling him to put it down to which he replied: “But it’s soft and cuddly…” with added giggles. My parents arrived with my mother-in-law and we enjoyed the night. Days after, I started asking God, who were they? And why? And if possible, can He bless me with someone else. I rushed to the Templo (the church nearest to me) to pray and beg. God, please let it be someone else. And His answer to me was, the taking of life of that person I asked for, on the 1st day of January, 2 days after I asked (December 30, 2014). I fervently prayed on that same day, after the worship service. If He wills it, that the people I have been dreaming of, be my family to be, my parents-in-law to be, their son, be my husband-to-be, kindly show me who they are. I got my answer the next day, on my birthday, 2nd of January 2015. First it was a photo which the impostor uploaded on his Facebook. I can recall their faces from my dream. It was them!!! And then seeing them actual in person where I celebrated my birthday. It was just a coincidence on that day when my mom decided that we go to this mall we have never gone to. They were still a mystery to me, because I don’t know who they were back then, no names, only the truth to my dream and answer from God, that they’re real people. Whom I can recall, as I haven’t met in my entire life at all. I thought, that by seeing them in person, I would stop dreaming about them. I was wrong. Over the next months, I would either dream of my “future mom” or “future dad”. She would be teaching me how to cook or she would be giving me advices. And my future dad, where we would have father-daughter talks and he would share some fatherly advice on life. I remember, one specific dream, where he gave a bath to the little boy, Elix. He wouldn’t want to take a bath after playing outside. Interestingly enough, that little boy along with his siblings, my kids, can speak different languages, including Korean, Spanish, Italian, English, Filipino and a dialect I wasn’t familiar at first. He was answering to us, refusing to take a bath: “Para que pa for me to ligo? Ayaw ko ti maligo mommy, daddy”. And then his Lolo came. He screamed: “Lolo dad esto aqui!” “Sino ayaw magtake ng bath niya? Sige ka, we won’t go to mall!” and they played in the bathroom. I also remember, my parents writing us a letter:

My Dearest Anak,
Welcome to the family! Thank you for loving Awi and understanding her when no one tried. Your mama and I believe that God will always be with you always. Treat each other with respect. I know life can be difficult anak, but your mama and I pray that God will bless you with a great and blessed married life. We love you both and again, welcome to the family!

Love Papa and Mama

I’ve met the owner of the photo and I know the names of the parents now. I am just continually praying that God continues to be kind to me and show me what I needed to see. His hands (the owner of the photo) are the same hands I felt that held my hand in my dreams. The voices of his parents are the same voices I have been hearing in my dreams, same tone and timber. I am just waiting for God’s love on us, this blessing. We have talked about it, and I have told him about this, and he finds it interesting. We both believe God made us meet for a reason… and we’re both thankful and waiting for God’s love on us.

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