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There are things that we wish for, but cannot have. We also ask ourselves if we need a savior or we don't need to be saved. Sometimes I just want to run away, and never come back. I just want to grab the keys of our car and drive away, somewhere far. Never looking back.

I see the eyes I long to see, but they only made me cry. I ask myself: "Do I hold on? Or do I let go? Should I follow a path that was never mine? Or should I go on treading a road which holds a lot of things unknown to me?"

In their eyes I have erred. In their eyes, I have betrayed them. But they will never know what's inside my heart. My grave awaits me, for they have dug it for me. Even if I see their heads hanging in a noose, they still think I am the traitor. I've forgiven them, even if they haven't forgiven me. I just pray that they find it in their hearts to forgive me, even if I haven't sinned. But who am I to discuss the good and the evil, when I am the suffering middle?

I walk on lands that have pretended to embrace my every step. I don't know what is right or wrong nowadays. I don't know what to believe anymore. I am not sure if I still belong in a world that I do not know. I don't know if I am still worthy of the calling that was made for me. Sometimes, I just want to believe something that wasn't there. I guess, my beliefs were wrong. I don't know if I still deserve to stay where I am.

I also don't know whether I should hold on to someone who was never there. Should I stay or leave? Should I say my goodbyes and be free? Or should I keep my vows and forever be incarcerated to a promise that was meant to be broken? I am tired of being lied to and I am sick of waiting in vain.

Should I continue on living? Or should I pass on to the next?

Comments

Anonymous said…
You are young, sweet and smart. You don't have to find the answers to all your questions. You have them all. Because you may be an iconoclast, but you will always have a pure heart.

You may consider stopping lurking in those dark waters. Try being searched in clear ones. And I am sure that they will come. Because...you are young, sweet and smart.

Take care.
December 6, 2007 at 3:53 PM
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