journey on dark waters

Maybe I was being rash when I decided to be "in communicado". I tried to put myself into exile and try, as much as possible to forget the pain building up inside of me. I did all the things possible to forget: work till the wee hours of the morning, go into extreme work-out (which I have partly done), get into sports (which I did, European Football and all after 2 months of badgering from my so-called half-brother, dim-witted (kidding) nephew and close gal pal). I tried to veer away from the world for the while, since this "in pain" bit has gotten me into a bit of binge-eating now and then. I tried to reel away from society. Convincing myself that true love doesn't have to mean, marrying someone who has status, but marrying someone because you love this person. I once heard from my dim-witted nephew (kidding and you might kill me later on!), in the most exasperating voice ever: "Auntie, you don't have to shield yourself from the world, someone out ther...

Rumors. They could kill you. Some may leave a dent in your life. Some may devastate and leave a huge hole. But no matter what form, it's still a rumor. It means, cleaning up a mess that's not mine. I heard a rumor once. Someone told me they heard a rumor I have a boyfriend. Boyfriend? I'm not even seeing anyone and I'm busy and suddenly a boyfriend? I don't think so. Hell no! Let me know if you hear anymore rumors about me, ya dig?

The other day, I was reading my diary from cover to cover. Wondering if I wrote an entry that speaks of my mistake. A mistake, I may have done without realizing. But as I walk down memory lane, I was quick to notice how many smiles he has. All 7 of it. But then, how could I've missed such detail. I waited patiently for the knock on my door, a knock I never heard and will never hear. I am content merely to gaze at the moment that was once mine. But then, it's gone. I cry myself to sleep nowadays. Hoping that crying would help. But I guess, the only thing that the tears gave me was the experience to relive the pain again. A scar in my heart, that needs to heal in time, not by dictation. I miss a lot of things. The times when I waited by my door for the return of my book, the anticipation for a call that now, would never come. I am merely content, knowing that he is well and happy, even if I'm not happy. It's true that, love meant giving up your own happiness for the ha...

Maybe I was wrong. I may have read it wrong. Maybe my heart was wishing something that was never there to begin with... If only I never saw it. If only I never felt it. Then maybe I would never wish to watch the stars at night as they dance with clouds and sing with the moon. I could only wish but never have. If only I was not blind to see what was there to begin with, maybe I would not have listened to the lies that would make me fall into a bottomless pool of sadness and pain. I could only have what ifs and maybes, but no definite answer. I just wish I find the answer soon, before I am thrown into despair.

If there was one thing I could rewind with what's happening to me now, it's not knowing this one person: my current supervisor. I was perfectly fine where I was and all of a sudden I was thrust and yanked out from my spot. I think the main reason why, was because my current supervisor is a pain in the butt (aside from obtaining a new gadget that he doesn't really deserve, not that I am sour graping about it). Which I have proven, time and time again. He's a walking biatch and a walking (well, words are not enough to express how much I hate this person). If only this person could turn into an animal, how I wish it would be a cockroach I could smash into a million pieces in between my shoes and the floor. But for now, I will just chant my mantra: "Another day, another disappointment..."

I was soaking up the sights while we were cruising down the busy streets of the metropolis, when someone interrupted my thoughts. It was someone I was hating for quite sometime (well hate is such a strong term, maybe less like-able which was true in general). "It" began on asking me about my current non-existent love life. "It" said, that I was looking for love, not love finding me. To begin with, I never looked for it (though some may mistake me for doing so since I am mostly with guys during weekends due to a weekly Football game), since I never I really saw myself as someone as pretty as the girl you see on billboards or ads for that matter, I am not as brainy like some, nor am I as thin (though I play sports) like models walking down the runway. Although I believe that life without love is not life at all, I also believed in if you're meant to be, no matter how far he may be from you, then you'll most likely end up together, if you were meant.... Like I ...

The sky was pitch-black, There was nothing to see. Solace begins to embrace me, Blood begins to fall from my eyes and onto the ground, wasted. unforgiven. The ground opens and eats me in one big bite, Taking my soul along with it. I see the blood of my enemy, slowly dripping to nothing. Time is on a standstill. Each tick represents your life. a life is taken. another reborn. A man is on a table, wating to die. His body festered with wounds, licked by the maggots. Flesh melting away, bones disentegrating. Eyes gouged out. The book of the dead brings back life, and the book of the living takes life away.