It's been two years. Two years since the pain. It was exactly the same time, same month when he began saying goodbye. I wanted to let go so badly, but I wasn't given the chance. I was asked to hold on, because it wasn't over till it's over. I already knew, months before, that it was over. The moment when I was approached by someone close to his heart and claimed him as her own, I knew I have lost. But then I was asked to hold on. A photograph that could only tell me of what once was, is still saved on my cellphone's internal memory. Before he left, he made a promise that he would write or call. That letter never came, my phone never rang. And I waited against false hopes that he would return. I would receive occasional hi and hellos through our common friends where he was. But was that even enough to make me stop crying? Will it comfort me of how he is? Like a woman of the desert, I await by the dunes, hoping only for a second that it wasn't merely a mirage that I will be seeing, but the real thing. Months after he left, his brother asked for my help to set-up his wedding. He said that I shouldn't worry about him, his brother, for I will be seeing him then in a few months time. Another false hope. So I helped and waited. But I told myself, that even if he comes, it will never be the same. I then receive news that he has reunited with a former flame, a flame that in the long run was never extinguished. I was expecting that from the beginning when I saw a dream, an omen that would tell me to just move on and never look back. I never told my sister, or friends, for they will never understand. They would make me hope again. As the day of the wedding of his brother arrives, we meet. He runs towards me and asks me how I am. I tried to be cold, but that didn't stop him from introducing me to his parents, who welcomed me warmly. And as the wedding draws to an end, he walks towards me and my family and extends his hands to shake my father's. His old flame now comes rushing to his side. He introduces her with her first name only, but when my mother asked who she really was, she answered with all her glory that she was his girlfriend. My parents didn't flinch nor show any emotion. But my sister did that night. Telling me that I didn't deserve to get hurt. And hopefully, just hopefully, that they will both be happy despite what they did. I have tried to move forward. But something is stopping me. I envy those who have found their closure. I just pray I find my peace and someone to catch me as I fall.
Dear Noah, I am writing to you, not because I have to, but I need to. In my heart there are so many things I wanted to tell you but my lips are frozen, and I could only whisper those words in this letter that I am writing. I know you will never get tired of me saying this, but, I have never regretted my decision of coming back to see you after so long. I missed our long talks, the way you teach me how to speak in another language through your poems. But what I really miss, is how you say hi and ask how am I. Everyone asked me, especially the ones who were close to me, why I came back to you, instead of going with the other? I never explained. Simply because, they would never understand, that the feelings between us were special. They would always think of our past as a memory of a time spent together. But to me, it will always be special. I have always dreamed of our time together as perfect. People may say, that I have wasted my time, going back and looking back at a love once lost.
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