The other day, I was reading my diary from cover to cover. Wondering if I wrote an entry that speaks of my mistake. A mistake, I may have done without realizing. But as I walk down memory lane, I was quick to notice how many smiles he has. All 7 of it. But then, how could I've missed such detail. I waited patiently for the knock on my door, a knock I never heard and will never hear. I am content merely to gaze at the moment that was once mine. But then, it's gone.
I cry myself to sleep nowadays. Hoping that crying would help. But I guess, the only thing that the tears gave me was the experience to relive the pain again. A scar in my heart, that needs to heal in time, not by dictation. I miss a lot of things. The times when I waited by my door for the return of my book, the anticipation for a call that now, would never come. I am merely content, knowing that he is well and happy, even if I'm not happy. It's true that, love meant giving up your own happiness for the happiness of others. And that understanding could mean so much to you, but so little for the person you once loved.
Sitting by the bay and watching the waves crash upon the rocks and the sand, I can't help but let my tears fall and let the sea carry it with her. I look onto the horizon and wish. That someday, someone will hold my hand into their hand and won't let go, just like the promise I gave years ago.
Waiting for the call that would never come, waiting for the letter that would never arrive, waiting for the apology that will never be said. I tremble. My tears have dried, no longer falling. Maybe someone is out there. But maybe, that someone, will never understand me. I just pray that I do not read the signs wrong, if they were meant to be signs. Signs that in the long run, would hopefully mean something, rather than nothing. I pray this isn't goodbye, for if it is, then I would no longer be here.
I cry myself to sleep nowadays. Hoping that crying would help. But I guess, the only thing that the tears gave me was the experience to relive the pain again. A scar in my heart, that needs to heal in time, not by dictation. I miss a lot of things. The times when I waited by my door for the return of my book, the anticipation for a call that now, would never come. I am merely content, knowing that he is well and happy, even if I'm not happy. It's true that, love meant giving up your own happiness for the happiness of others. And that understanding could mean so much to you, but so little for the person you once loved.
Sitting by the bay and watching the waves crash upon the rocks and the sand, I can't help but let my tears fall and let the sea carry it with her. I look onto the horizon and wish. That someday, someone will hold my hand into their hand and won't let go, just like the promise I gave years ago.
Waiting for the call that would never come, waiting for the letter that would never arrive, waiting for the apology that will never be said. I tremble. My tears have dried, no longer falling. Maybe someone is out there. But maybe, that someone, will never understand me. I just pray that I do not read the signs wrong, if they were meant to be signs. Signs that in the long run, would hopefully mean something, rather than nothing. I pray this isn't goodbye, for if it is, then I would no longer be here.
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