journey on dark waters

Maybe I was being rash when I decided to be "in communicado". I tried to put myself into exile and try, as much as possible to forget the pain building up inside of me. I did all the things possible to forget: work till the wee hours of the morning, go into extreme work-out (which I have partly done), get into sports (which I did, European Football and all after 2 months of badgering from my so-called half-brother, dim-witted (kidding) nephew and close gal pal). I tried to veer away from the world for the while, since this "in pain" bit has gotten me into a bit of binge-eating now and then. I tried to reel away from society. Convincing myself that true love doesn't have to mean, marrying someone who has status, but marrying someone because you love this person. I once heard from my dim-witted nephew (kidding and you might kill me later on!), in the most exasperating voice ever: "Auntie, you don't have to shield yourself from the world, someone out ther...

Rumors. They could kill you. Some may leave a dent in your life. Some may devastate and leave a huge hole. But no matter what form, it's still a rumor. It means, cleaning up a mess that's not mine. I heard a rumor once. Someone told me they heard a rumor I have a boyfriend. Boyfriend? I'm not even seeing anyone and I'm busy and suddenly a boyfriend? I don't think so. Hell no! Let me know if you hear anymore rumors about me, ya dig?

The other day, I was reading my diary from cover to cover. Wondering if I wrote an entry that speaks of my mistake. A mistake, I may have done without realizing. But as I walk down memory lane, I was quick to notice how many smiles he has. All 7 of it. But then, how could I've missed such detail. I waited patiently for the knock on my door, a knock I never heard and will never hear. I am content merely to gaze at the moment that was once mine. But then, it's gone. I cry myself to sleep nowadays. Hoping that crying would help. But I guess, the only thing that the tears gave me was the experience to relive the pain again. A scar in my heart, that needs to heal in time, not by dictation. I miss a lot of things. The times when I waited by my door for the return of my book, the anticipation for a call that now, would never come. I am merely content, knowing that he is well and happy, even if I'm not happy. It's true that, love meant giving up your own happiness for the ha...