There is no doubt that at the start of this year, my life (though marked as the year known as the QLS or more commonly known as the Quarter-Life Crisis stage) began with a lot of blessings.
I am beginning to understand why everyone has been calling it the Quarter-Life Crisis stage. This is the time where you begin to see the picture a bit clearer than before. Somehow, things that I thought was right, suddenly seemed wrong. Things that I used to believe in, where false.
To begin with, I left my job of seven years to be a full-time student. Someone once told me that instead of going forward I moved backward. That I should've stayed with my work and continued on with my studies. For one, I missed the last three years of my college life. The time where I should be enjoying the challenges in class, the academic life that most of the student spent their college years bumming around while waiting for the next class to start, I spent running to and fro work. I had to run to get to my next class so as not to be late, I had to try and keep myself awake because I had been up all night writing scripts and watching tape reels. I was promised a comfortable spot in the College of Law (where I am today) after I graduate by no other than the Dean Emeritus himself (had I only grabbed it after I graduated, I would've been done by now). I was offered various positions in other media agencies and other prestigious companies, yet I chose to work where I worked for seven years (inclusive of my undergraduate years). I also chose to work first before entering Law school.
As fate would have it, I had a tumultuous three years before I went to Law school. Three painful years that I dared not share even with my family as I don't want them to endure the pain I suffered. After keeping my silence for three long painful years, I broke my silence by believing that I was well and good and deciding to go to Law school. To which my father believed was great timing. It was time for me to break out from the pain that encased me for so long. I also believed then that following orders and listening to what others has to say is important and would be a good advice for me to follow. So after three years of being tied to work, tied to the pain, I decided to enroll. The dream that began five years ago is still in my heart. I prayed day and night that I be given the chance to enroll, where not everyone is lucky enough to get in for various reasons. After two years of Law school, and after seven years of working, I decided to call it quits from work, take a breather and start loading myself with the ammo I needed for the future. I am thankful for being part of the company I called home for seven years. They groomed me, treated me well, and made me distracted from the pain that haunted me. I enjoyed my stay, and I am thankful. But when I left, I was asked several questions as to why I left? Did I really leave because of the stress? Did I just use my education as an excuse? Or simply put, I can't take it anymore?
On top of these questions, I was also haunted by a romantic pain that everyone goes through. A scar that I thought had already healed, had opened once again. We undergo pain... Sorrow... Suffering. Yet it comes in different degrees. But we have no right to make the next person we begin and learn to love to suffer for our past pains. We have no right to hurt the ones who would love us when the world refuses to, just because we got hurt before. In short, we may have been hurt several times, but we cannot treat the next person unfairly because time, fate and the world has been unkind and unfair. There is no such thing as fair in this world. We have to feel unfairness, before things become fair. We have to feel pain before we feel love.
So tell me, I have learned to speak six languages, yet there is no exact translation or meaning or exact words for the things I am feeling now.
But I will say this, I have never regretted the decision of going back to school and leaving work after seven years. Time has been kind to me all these years, and I believe that it's just good timing. Maybe there is a bigger assignment for me in the future. A bigger test maybe that I have to prepare for. In the end, it's me and the world. The way I converse with it, the way I move with it. There are no late timing. There are no wrong decisions. They are only wrong if we regret about later on.
Do I still considered myself blessed? Yes. Do I still considered myself to be lucky despite the many trials I had to face at the beginning of the year? Yes. I have been brought down so many times, that these depressions have become my inspiration to rise above it all.
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