journey on dark waters

i am beginning to hate my very existence. how i wish i could turn back time and erase you. i love someone else, can't you see? unless you are being blinded by the false feelings that you feel for me. i try to walk and run away, but you try to keep me still. i belong to someone else and my heart beats for another, i pray that i don't know you. you're a stranger whose face is empty. eyes that i don't see. i would like to believe that you're telling a truth, but to you, a truth is a lie. my arms are entwined with someone elses arms. my heart beats as one with another heart. only poisoned asps come out of your lips. don't you belong to someone else? the first tears of autummn fall from my eyes like summer's sweet passing into fall and then to winter. the sweet solace that winter brings me. why must you come? only to make me cry. you promise me that tears will no longer fall from my eyes, but you, just like the rest, tells me a lie,a lie that i have been hearing,...

i hate to be condescending, in a way that i do sound condescending, when i try to hide these feelings that howl like raging winds inside of me. i pretend as if nothing is wrong and just walk on. even as i take small steps, it cuts thru me as if i were stepping on a broken mirror that reflects a broken self. pity, that my heart, once healed, is scarred again. tears have run dry from these eyes. they weep for someone who is not there. she runs her fingers thru mine, as if we would never touch again. i could still smell her sweet perfume as it leaves a mark, an indentity on my skin. her eyes that speak a thousand words. she tells me a lie, but her eyes speak thru those lies. staring at a blank canvas that i wish were stained with rages of red, hues of blue sadness, green of jealousy and envy, mute blacks of pity and hatred. but i hold the brush, and as i begin to paint, transparent lines of pain flows into the canvas of the mind. her heart and mine beats as one, like it will never beat ag...

you try to go on with your life as if it is in a normal pace. you pretend and go on with the flow even if it continues to sear your flesh and let the blood flow endlessly on the pavement of hatred. you leave a world behind that wasn't even there to begin with. fingers point to you as if you are the accused in the court of deafs. no one hears you out and you are sentenced to live your very existence into solitude. tears won't matter for they fall on barren lands. voices won't matter, for they fall on deaf ears. people tell you that you're nothing. you are not part of a world that they created. why? do they belong in yours? sometimes, correction, most of the times, what you do to release the anger pent up inside, can't save you. there's no one there to make you feel alright, when things go wrong. how you wish that the people you hate, wait, loathe, are hanging by their necks amongst the rafters of the highest building. you cry to the wind. eyes that see, are blind...

day by day you are being grilled by people who think that they are better than you, that what you do is just a piece of trash, not even worthy of the trash bin. they think that they are the so-called "it" person, but no. sometimes, you get pushed over to the limit. you try to keep your calm by clenching your teeth and cursing under your breath. as if life would be no better. FAT CHANCE!!! then your so-called life begins to crash, right in front of your very eyes. your mind begins to dwindle and most of the times you daydream that your hands are lodged in-between the head and the chest just above the throat of your hated person for the day. you watch in glee as he suffocates and tries to gasp for air. pity has left your heart. but of course, in real life, that doesn't happen. you pretend that nothing is wrong. you crank up the volume of your music to block out the most annoying piece of existence of that person. you are now immersed into a world where no one could boss you...